The Day of Rest - Ssrienna's Story Part 4

by Jan Uzzell (Ssrienna)

Sunday

I was woken at 0650 and decided, far too early, so thought I’d snooze. I finally woke at 1041 (sigh) having missed the Church of OM (again!) at 0900 and the Character Borrowing at 1100. What a good start!

I did, however, make the Headology and Psychology lecture, which was fabulous and the Charity Auction (in between going to Sator Square to buy things I could afford!!). There were some AMAZING things being sold and some unbelievable prices being paid … I wonder what it’s like in a rich man’s world (sigh)

Then it was back to my room to get changed, with Lottie’s help again (I really couldn’t have coped this weekend if not for her help and Donal’s assistance in Ops) for the Low King’s Coronation and the Gala Dinner at Lady Margolotta’s palace (Ankh). I managed to find a sofa near to the entrance of the Dysk, where I had great pleasure in photographing the wonderful costumes.

After the Low King’s Coronation (Jenny Delaney as Her Lowness), which I couldn’t see much of unfortunately, we moved through to the Gala Dinner. Lottie and Lisa were my table companions and we were enchanted to find beards and dwarven rolls ready for us! How thoughtful of Her Ladyship to ensure that the guests, who did not have beards, were able to fit in thanks to their completely realistic Boffo beards!

The food was delicious, the wine matching the witty repartee in its sparkle and the speeches were great. I did feel like falling through the floor again when Terry mentioned the Maskerade winner (me!) in his speech!! Talk about your surreal memories of a Con!! I floated out of there back into the Rat Races, which were still going. Listened again to Mr B the Gentleman Rhymer (mind bogglingly good) and then went on to Scone and Jam, before heading room wards again at 0200 (ish). I’m sensing a pattern here!

Day 3

by Darrock, Guild of Seamstresses

I am sorry to report that my poor psyche is in shock. I have discovered that the seamstresses provide a lot more to society than I ever imagined. It has taken much effort to hide my shock from my fellow seamstresses, but for the time being I believe they are still unaware.

It is becoming harder to hide my deceptions from the guild however. I have had to reduce the amount of clothes that I wear and push forward my wife and children in the hopes of deflecting any awkward questions.

Today for instance, I managed to get both my children into a fancy dress competition. This competition had many wonderful costumes and performances that put my efforts to shame. Nevertheless, this provided some camouflage to hide behind while wondering how I could extricate myself from this difficult situation without incriminating myself (oh, erm, and the UU, yes, them too).

It worries me to think that “hugs” and “cuddles” might turn to “thugs” and “cudgels” if I do not manage to keep up appearances. I believe I have arranged a way out for tomorrow so that I can return to Ankh Morpork and my former life, report to the Arch Chancellor and hopefully put the shameful events with Sir Joshua and his friends behind me.

If this turns out to be my last report, let it be known that I have gone lower than any wizard has ever been known to go and definitely above and beyond the call of duty in order to discover the truth behind the seamstress guild.

And so it continues

by Gaz Webber Wow! Yeah...wow! I'm in the Metropole Hotel in Birmingham, still at the convention...this is almost certainly going to become the traditional all-nighter...but what a day! 3:40 AM, This is why I love Discworld above all other conventions. This morning started with a quick pit-stop at Tesco for a teapot (don't ask) and some food for the journey, and a hat. Especially a hat. Journalists need a hat, it is their raison detre. I purchased a tasteful trilby and asked my style guru and better half, Random_C, about just how much gravitas it provided my already inspiring frame. After she'd finished laughing we set off for the Con. The first hour or so consisted of looking around for and at other conventioneers. At any convention the costumes are impressive. At this one they are incredible. Spectacular. Some soar and tower, confections of cloth and creativity. Mightly magnificent milinary tops coiffure. Glitter and glitz vie against bangles and bling for attention. Polar opposites, costumes consisting of flesh and flair, dimples and daring. Low-and-behold versus *You'll have somebody's eye out!* I was actually heading for the Cavern when I literally bumped into Peter Morwood and Diane Duane. Now, those of you with long memories (or those who have read the foreword in my second book) know that these two people were instrumental in my having the nerve to write a *proper* book at all. And that I have been trying since them to buy them a drink. Yesterday I succeeded ! However... Peter and Diane are time-sinks. On their own they can fascinate, charm, entertain, amuse and eductate. Together they draw you in to their lives, spinning anecdote after anecdote, story after story, picture of food after picture of food. I have to report that watching the culinary pornography on Peter's laptop caused me to gain nearly a stone in weight. Affable and wonderfully friendly, you are greeted like a long-lost friend, especially if you offer wine and beer, and I would suggest that if you finally drag yourselves reluctantly away you are guaranteed to be ligher of heart, more free of spirit, and in danger of a cholesterol crash... However...as I was about to leave Jack Cohen arrived. Jack is, in case you don't know, a young man who has reached the early middle-age of 70. And goodness, what a mind! There are people in who's company you enjoy sitting and listening. There are people in who's company you sit and listen and you struggle to understand, and there are people in who's company you get educated. Jack (and I was specifically informed that he was Jack, not Mr, Dr or Professor Cohen) is firmly in the third group. The line *Put it in the microwave, it will warm it up. Trust me, I'm a physicist* is one that I will dine out with for possibly the rest of my life. From there I met MEG. Now, some of you again may know that our one-time Con chairman is a little poorly. However, she's here in the dealer room, and in the bar, and enjoying the con. She is also one of my dearest friends. Someone I see so seldom that when we *do* meet we tend to talk. Sadly she also brought her husband....and *he* is possibly my favourite raconteur. And there went the evening. Tim finally retired to bed, and MEG said she'd follow when she finished her wine... At 4am we left the Hedgehog Party, MEG having boogied and chatted and, I am pleased to report, had a whale of a time. If she's reading this I'd like to thank her for looking after me so well. So...Discworld conventions. The people are fabulous to a man, woman, child and small radio-controlled luggage. Multi-talented and affable, drunk and sober. You will be drawn in to a circle of old friends you've never met before, and really old friends you talk to all the time. You will be entertained and educated, you will in turn educate and entertain. You may dance and sing, play instruments or sit on the sideline. You may dress up. You may dress down. You may forget to dress at all. You will, however, have a great time. You can't help it. And there are still two days to go!

Death by Chocolate - Take 2

After some conventioneers were struck down by food poisoning attributed to the Chocolate Tasting Competition* Terry was heard to say,
"You poisoned four out of eighty? That's just not even trying."

To those who were unwell, all my sympathies, to those who survived unscathed, the scores ranged from two to 11 successful identifications, with the most common being six.

The only chocolate successfully identified by all entrants was the Lindt Chilli, the only one never identified correctly was Harrods Belgian Chocolate

Many thanks to all who took part, and left enough chocolate to give presents to the wonderful hotel staff.

Chris Boote

*Now renamed the Lady Lucrezia da Quirm Memorial Wine and Arsenic Party

Death By Chocolate

They always say when there has been a murder it's often a close family member and in the case of the contract taken out on my son, they are right. At the age of seven, my now 14 year old son developed a serious allergy to Chocolate. On that occasion he was rushed in to hospital because he had stopped breathing and so has avoided chocolate ever since. This gave me the perfect way to facilitate his demise at the hands of the Assassin's Guild. The reason - he's a 14 year old boy, I think that's reason enough. So after managing to lose my son, I made my secret rendevous with a beautiful young female assassin by the name of Tabby. We plotted and planned and decided that the pre-gala cocktails would be the perfect opportunity for her to slip my son some "chocolate laced" fruit pastilles (having cleared it with Ops and the MOC of course).

As the time drew closer, my excitement grew. Sitting at the table I watched as Tabby passed her tray of goodies to other people around us, then she offered one to my son and he popped one in his mouth. "Are you Mashus Altorus?" she asked. "You have just been assassinated". I would gladly have paid double the 2 Million AMD that it had cost me to see the thrill on his face as he realised it was me that had taken out the contract! I handed him the death's head ring I had bought him to commemorate the day of his death and we thanked Tabby for her wonderful service as she read out his contract.

Shortly after this we were sitting enjoying our dessert at the Gala dinner, when it was pointed out to my son that the base of the mousse he was eating looked a little too dark to be plain sponge. Had the assassins struck for real this time? The waitress was called over and asked. She callled the head waitress, who went to speak to the chef. Sure enough, the sponge contained the fatal cocoa and my son was over half way through it. Yet he was still breathing. It would seem that to a certain extent my son's terrible allergy has lessened. Was the assassination both kill and cure? He is still breathing now, and we shall be doing some further controlled tests, and if he has outgrown this allergy, he will always remember the day he found out.

Mashus then went on to have an official photo taken with his young assassin and has her Facebook details - I think he plans to haunt her!

Pam Martin

Not Quite A Newbie

Well... two years ago, I went to the DWcon because I thought it would
quite possibly be heaven to be around "my sort of people".

Instead, I ended up using the convention as a staging ground for my
first real life meeting with my, at the time, long distance
relationship boyfriend.

So like I tell anyone who asks: "No, this isn't my first time, but
it's ok, I wasn't paying attention last time.".

Now that I am paying attention, however, THIS IS BRILLIANT.

I'm in Birmingham, the town where my ex actually lives. I should be
either depressed or pining or something (we broke up two weeks ago),
but I'm actually so happy it's not even funny.

Discworld people are everything I thought they would be - Odd, easy
going and beyond friendly.

I'm knee-deep in guild work... I went to church in the morning (I'm
Jewish, though)... I got up the nerve to tell Stephen Briggs how much
I admire his Vetinari impression... and in about 4 hours I'm going to
a Klatch with TP.

If I get run over on my way home, you wouldn't hear me complaining...
and not just because I'll be a smudge on the asphalt!

Ginny

(This Chronicle entry was brought to you by the Teachers, Explorers and
Librarians Guild.)

Spectacular Win by Biscuit at the Dragonraces!

In the eighth and final heat of yesterday's Dragon races, the Havelock Vetinari Mime Chase, Biscuit (running in lane four) took a spectacular win, leading the rest of the field by over two-thirds of the distance. Biscuit was ridden by a champion jockey from the Conjurer's Guild.

Commentators speculate that a contributing factor in Biscuit's phenomenal performance may have lain in the enthusiasm of his supporters, which must certainly have affected the spirits of the other competitors. For instance, one fan contracted the Guild of Assassins to inhume the other seven riders at the start of the race, which added a little additional excitement to the events.

The jovial, competitive atmosphere of the race was marred slightly by some unsporting behaviour in lane eight, where a number of bystanders jumped onto the track and assisted that dragon in getting down the field. We have been informed that an investigation has been started into whether this blatant interference was the action of an illegal Klatchian gambling ring backing the competitor in lane eight.

It is believed this gambling ring may also be behind the scandalous allegations of race-fixing levelled against the backers of Biscuit in lane four. The fact that some of the largest money-winners from that heat were members of Ops and the Watch surely means that the fairness of events is beyond doubt!

Thankfully these distasteful events did not overshadow the wonderful performance of Biscuit. Final payout came to three for one, and many happy faces were seen in the bar following the races. Brother Kai, a large sponsor of Biscuit, was seen chatting with senior members of the Guild of Assassins. Jos-Ops was displaying his new-found wealth and rearranging the furniture in the bar.

-- Newsdesk of the Guild of Assassins School Paper

Wizard's Dragon Racing Triumph!

The wizards emerged triumphant last night after an evening's entertainment, dragon racing with the elite of Ankh-Morpork society.

Due to a noble decision to resist cheating via both mundane and magical means, the Unseen University's representatives in the races lost every event due to questionable racing practices by the lesser guilds.

A faculty member in the crowd who decided to take part in one race was quoted as despondently saying "Ook."

However, the last laugh was had by the wizards, whose insightful betting resulted in the most money won by any single organisation.

When asked, Archchancellor Ridcully modestly said "Of course we won. We're wizards."

He did have some thoughts on the newly acquired winnings too. "It's a lot of money, and that brings responsibilities. For starters, we now need someone to be responsible for turning the Beggar's Guild away from the door."

Peter Rolph

Discworld Convention Report The Second, and The Hunter

It is a fact self-evident that Stephen Briggs is the Patrician. Like
the chicken and egg conundrum we will probably never know which came
first (it was the egg, by the way), but Havelock Vetinari and Mr
Briggs are, and will always be, one and the same person.

This leads, at Convention times, to certain traditions. Being a keen
observer of people I tend to notice things, and it is hard not to
notice Stephen at a convention. Firstly he projects, purely through
his mannerisms, his expressions, his personality, the image of a man
who is supremely confident in whatever he does, because he knows that
he is always absolutely right. I really have no idea whether this is
Stephen or Havelock, but the effect causes the second reason Stephen
is easy to notice. He attracts Young Ladies like a Sun attracts
passing planets.

Last night, whilst sat in the bar area of the Convention hotel,
chatting with my friends, I noticed that Terry and Stephen, post Gala
Dinner, were sat at the table next to me. I usually try and avoid The
man With The Hat, because he has a lot of people trying to share his
time with him, he almost certainly has things to arrange and needs
time to think, and frankly I am probably likely to fall over my own
feet and then make bleating noises, because I admire the man, and I am
an idiot when confronted with the great and the good. However, we
stayed, and as the evening developed I noticed something that had me
chuckling quietly to myself.

Sat opposite Terry was Stephen. Sat beside Stephen were...numerous
Young Ladies. Sat behind Stephen were yet more Young Ladies. Sat in
front of Stephen, further Young Ladies.Within 40 minutes the table had
acquired a second ring of chairs, all occupied by Young Ladies. Then
another layer. Like Saturn, Stephen was developing orbital rings...it
was spectacular. A Young lady would wander past, heading Lord knows
where, and suddenly she'd return, chair in hand, and Stephen had
another orbiting Heavenly Body.

And this is the other thing. The bodies were, each and every one,
heavenly. There was far more exposed flesh on display, in brief
costumes, corsets, dresses, strapless evening gowns, gownless evening
straps, than is good for a man at gone midnight. I have a good working
knowledge of physics, and of the calculation of stresses on materials,
and for that matter the mathematical formulae for simple volume
calculations. It occurred to me, as one impressively corsetted bosom
heaved, that the mathematics of the acreage of bosom exposed in that
one area required fractal mathematics, and a total rewrite of the
Mandelbrot set. Quantum was the only thing between Stephen and a huge
Wardrobe Malfunction which would, at the very least, had someone's eye
out.

The second thing I noticed was a side-effect of the corsetry and
magnetism of Mr Briggs. Two waiters arrived at the table to clear the
inevitable glasses and bottles. They probably know as much about
Discworld and its attendant celebrities as I know about wombat
breeding. At the table was a man of immense charisma, and a huge
following. Clearly, therefore, this man was the Guest of Honour. As a
result they cleared the glasses and bottles, with difficulty, all the
time discussing the stunning collection of Bosom (River Deep, Mountain
High, as Terry himself described it) over the head of some balding
grey-haired chap with a beard, entirely unaware that they were
dripping second-hand lager down the neck of Mr Pratchett.

The Hunter

How To Buckle A Swash

We were treated to a concise history of warfare, from Viking conquests to the those of the Normans invading Britain in 1066. A fine narrator (Orjan) read the historical facts as a humorously little-rehearsed am-dram production carried on behind him to highlight his main points. A toy horse on a pole that "Nieghed" when rode, certainly put a light-hearted twist on the sword and axe wielding bloodshed going on, and at one point, the audience screamed as cuddly toys were thrown at a man with a very big axe to show how the other side were unable to pass him where he stood.

We were further treated to demonstrations of the correct way to wield the weapons used by the amateur dramatists. Importantly we learned not to scratch our bums with our broadsword, watch our backs with wielding a large unwieldy axe, and to beware of our legs when dressed in helmet and chainmail to the knees behind a shield that exposes only our ankles.

And just as the treats were coming to the end, another group dashed to the front to offer us a demonstration of fencing, with the swords, protective clothing and face guards they just happened to have brought with them to the convention for just such an opportunity.

We watched, enthralled, as the fencers danced about before us, clanking metal, and sweating buckets to instruct us in the health benefits and tactical know how involved in this interesting sport. I wonder if there were any converts from the exercise.. it did look fun.

Sarah Ganderton

Assassination and obituary package page 2...

The Guild of Assassins announce the completion of a contract against Mashus Altorus.

The terms of the contract were as follows: the assassination of said Mashus Altorus for being a typical 14 year old son to be carried out during the pre-gala cocktail party; the price for this contract was set at AM$2,000,000 and one token of appreciation.

The assassination was carried out at 7:23pm during cocktail hour whilst the victim sat amongst his family at a table full of people. Assassin Tabby carried out this assassination of "Death by Chocolate" by disguising herself as a convention gopher and passing round a plateful of sweets to all at the table.

Waiting for the victim to eat and swallow his chosen sweet, she pointed out to him that the goodies actually contained chocolate, a substance to which the victim was known to be allergic. Tabby read out his contract as the poor lad died from awful allergy related swellings, chokings, and eventual cramping pains.

pp Lord Downey

Where's My Cow - The West End Show

Davina introduced the show. As he was about to begin, the Feegles appeared, one after another, looking a little stage-struck. They wanted to help do the show! Surely this was a risk even this daring producer would not risk? He did, and the consequences were only to be expected I'm afraid.

The Feegles did, initially, appear to be assisting. Bat, Pen, Harry and the rest all assisted in making sure that the animals involved in the show presented themselves in a timely manner and then rapidly moved away again – exactly where they went after the show has not been discovered, which may hamper any future attempts at the show. However, there were drinks around – Davina insists that he has no idea how the Feegles got hold of those – and things rapidly degenerated.

The Feegles started to steal the show from under Davina and things came to a head when they stole the Cow at the end of the story and turned it into hamburgers. Shortly after this the script was swiped and in the end, only the Death of Feegles could stop the chaos.

Davina's performance aside, the Feegles all performed admirably under limited direction and managed a performance worthy of the applause that they undoubtedly failed to hear, having legged it sharpish.

Many thanks to Davina, Death, Death Jnr, Harry, Bat, Pen and Princess for an entertaining show. I apologise profusely if I have missed any cast members, but due to the time at the end of the show (and the nature of Nac Mac Feegles), I was unable to ensure that I got all the names of the Feegles involved in the show.

Darrock (Wizard, 1st Class – Unseen University Guild).

A Wizard's Report – Day 2 Sunday

To avoid any confusion as to which day it is, the title of this report has been altered. We, the editors, regret any confusion bought about by previous stupidity on the part of Darrock and have ensured that Darrock got the clip round the ear that he deserved.

Ouch! Ok, so it's Sunday. After a brief, interrupted by small cries for food, night of rest, we returned to the venue. Let's get straight into the madness.

The Church of Om: Having missed the Wake Up with Wizards event at 7.30 in the morning (who are those Wizards getting up at that time… must be students who have not gone to bed yet), we arrived in time to join in with the service. This was an event that I had been privileged enough to see last year and which was even better second time around. The singing, the sermons, the revelations at the end and even the venue were superb for the event and I joined in whenever I could catch breath from laughing. If you missed this, you missed a real treat, along with of course inviting the wrath of Om.

Bernard Pearson's Passive Smoking for Beginners: On my way to swashbuckling, I noticed a queue… This queue was outside of the Dysk and I was under the impression, having carefully read my timetable, that it was not in use this hour. After making enquiries of someone in the queue, I discovered, to my horror, that Bernard's event had been moved forward!!!!! I flipped a coin and prayed for guidance from Om and was led to join this queue.

I am incredibly glad that I did. Bernard is a very charismatic person and I thoroughly enjoyed listening to him talk about all kinds of things. With thoughts of Bernard with ladies underwear on the outside of jeans and the incredibly hush, hush trade cards that we're not allowed to mention yet, I left with a huge smile.

Puppet Show: Having returned from Bernard's rather sooner than expected, I went off to view the puppet show. Since I have written a review of this show elsewhere, I will omit it from here.

Stephen Briggs Masterclass: I was not certain quite what this event would entail. As it turned out, it involved a discussion about the trials and tribulations of creating the maps of Ankh Morpork and the Discworld. Stephen spoke eloquently regarding how they went about constructing the cityscape that, up until that time, had only ever been in Terry's head. This challenge was not at all straightforward and I was incredibly impressed at the time and energy spent in creating such a detailed work.

Find the Time: Some friendly folks had spent some time (excuse the pun) creating a treasure hunt round the Discworld corridors of the hotel. Darpebble and I spent a frustrating, confusing and eventually rewarding time wandering the corridors in search of piccies. We did manage to get them all (Darpebble: I found the last one daddy!) and arrived back in the Cavern with seconds to spare to receive our just rewards – a laminated picture and a chocolate treat for Darpebble.

Sex on the Disc: Harrumph, harrumph. Less said about this the better. Some wickedly funny jokes and a lot of entertaining discussions regarding whether a Nac Mac Feegle society could exist. Good fun had by all concerned.

Dealers' Room: Wow, I managed to find half an hour to wander around the spectacular stalls in the dealers' room. It always amazed me that people can produce such fine pieces of work, some of which is Discworld related, some of which is not.


That's it for day 2 Sunday. More tomorrow, although obviously the schedule is somewhat shorter for the last day of the Con.

Darrock (Wizard, 1st Class – Unseen University Guild).

Conjurors, Thespians and Assorted Trades - News Bulletin No 6 (or thereabouts)

We dared, we showed, we conquered!

Despite the many threats uttered to guild members just out of hearing
these past few days, the great Troll Dress-Tease went without a hitch ...

Two huge mountain trolls had been volunteered to titilate a huge crowd
that could only be measured in the ones! The guild is gratified at the
polite interest shown by the sporting public at this event and is
considering repeats as soon as the participants have been revived.

The seamstresses guild is said to contemplate the formation of a
stonemasons' lodge.

Wizard's Lead From The Start (Of Day)

Following a workout approved by Archchancellor Ridcully himself, Unseen University invited members from the city's guilds to come and learn a refined method of facing a new day.

Valiantly beginning in the corridor whilst waiting for a Monk of Cool to be fashionably late with the keys for a room, the skilled representatives of wizardry generously assisted those from the lesser guilds who had managed the 7.30am start on what is widely considered an acceptable lie-in day.

Baring the occasional joint pop and crunch, this proved to be beneficial to the health and alertness of most in attendance; only a minority of participants fell asleep against the walls during the proceedings.

Murmurs that the majority of the university's faculty remained in bed instead is a malicious rumour, unless expressed by someone who was present to witness the truth of it.

Text: Peter Rolph, Photo: Doctor

Living in Interesting Times

Looks can, as we all know, be deceptive. Seemingly harmless things can turn out to be quite lethal, while the big, armed man in armour can turn out to be Constable Haddock (definitely human).

Thus, I stopped dead in my track a few days ago when, turning into the men’s lord’s room outside the Dysk, I saw this:


Now, we all know and, well, not so much love as ignore these, which call out to the world that (often contrary to empirical data) the floor is, in fact, wet.

But, bearing in mind what we all know about the eyes[1] not seeing what’s actually there, I urge you to take another good look at this one.

I think you can see why this made me hesitate. “Hazardous” is an adjective I would usually apply to things like narrow paths on sheer mountainsides or maybe the Shades, and not a slightly moist floor that may or may not have been wet at some point.

However, after a close scrutiny of the flat thing with taps for handwashing, the floor, the roof and the ...objects mounted on the other wall what I am not going to name... I went in, only slightly jittery, and after a while, left. And, no matter what the hazard was, I’ve lived to tell this tale.


[1] Well, actually, it’s the mind doing the job. But, being the one making the meaning of things, the mind blames the eyes. That’s because it means. Sorry, it’s mean. I mean.

Elias

Reigning Champions Whipped By Seamstresses

Amazing scenes in Ankh today as a team of seamstresses beat the reigning champions of the Dyskheads trivia challenge. They are now to defend their title at nine on Monday. Not to be missed!

Rumours that their win was achieved by offering favours to the quizmaster and blowing kisses to the audience are entirely unfounded. They won through a wax talisman and a thorough knowledge of Men At Arms.

Guild of Seamstresses

Church of Om

This traditional feature of the Convention, which was founded by Bernard Pearson, was very well attended, with a printed Order of Service presenting the Service of Commemoration for Lu-Tze the sweeper.

Officiating clergy's names were too long to transcribe here, but comprised Lionel Fanthorpe, Mole and a Novice.

The congregation sang hymns, joined in the prayers and made the signs of the Turtle and the Holy Horns. Both Jacqueline Simpson and the Creator declared they had been moved by the service. All credit to Mole for putting the service together.

Jesca Yates

Conjurors, Thespians and Assorted Trades - News Bulletin No 5

Interguild: Just a Minute

Today the first ever Interguild Just a Minute was organised and staged
by the Conjurors, Thespians and Assorted Trades Guild in The Cavern, one
of the most stylish venues for intimate events on the whole of the Dysk.

Participants from all major guilds took part, ably moderated by the
Conjurors, Thespians and Assorted Trades own Torak.

The final score saw the Conjurors pass the Teachers with 26 to 24, with
honourable mentions going to both Witches and Small Gods.

Those inhabitants of this Dyske of a more mature and adult disposition,
may be overjoyed to hear that there is a real chance of a SPECIAL POST
WATERSHED ADULT JUST A MINUTE.

Time and venue will be, of course, communicated to the cognoscenti by
the usual channels.

Conjurors, Thespians and Assorted Trades: Daily News Bulletin No 4 - Sunday

We, the grateful members of the Worshipful Guild of Conjurors, Thespians
and Assorted Trades, have been blessed by many excellent and appreciative
audiences at the many entertainments, great and small, that we have contributed
to this very fine convention.

Yesterday's oeuvre was formed of such triumphs as:

... Where's the Mime, Milord?
... Live Thud
... Memorable participation in The Weakest Guild
... Entertaining ALL in the great corridors

Today, we, The Worshipful Guild of Conjurors, Thespians and Assorted
Trades, present you, the citizens of the Disc, with:

... "A Troll Dress-Tease", featuring a real, live mountain troll in its
first ever public appearance.

Other presentations will include participation in

... Just a Minute

... The Dragon Race

... The Toast and Jam

... and really anywhere else we will have members attending

In other news:

Our most esteemed guild brother Richard, with the help of some most
excellent witches, entertained Harga's House of Ribs with the enactment of a
man cursed and saved by witches.