Sunday, 29 August 2010

The Opening Ceremony

By Jessica Yates
The ceremony opened with an evocation of the “knockermen” tradition of the dwarf mines. A knockerman in his working uniform made his way through the fog as the story was told.
Then with a crash, bang and aspotlight, on came Terry, wielding a large sword. “I am so angry! Stephen Briggs has got Inigo Montoya’s sword! Well, I have the Sword of Death!
This is the 7th Discworld Convention!
Journalists say we are a bunch of weirdos – yes we are!
Thank you for your fanmail about my health – it’s OK at the moment.”

Terry praised the new software which allows him to dictate his books with Rob’s help. He has the only computer which can say Crivens! and have a Nac Mac Feegle vocabulary.

“I’ve done 20,000 words in the last few weeks, and if it wasn’t for me having to waste my time with you lot...
There is a streak of madness in the British monarchy – I was tapped on the shoulder by the Queen. I think she said, “Can we have another one with Rincewind in it?”

Terry has made himself a real sword – with help – from digging out the iron ore, smelting, to the finish. Didn’t bring it along though – could have been done for “knife crime”.

He hoped his dad and granddad are proud to see him a knight, he knows they would have been proud he is a millionaire.
“A knighthood is worth nothing and everything – it’s a pass to start speaking up and making a nuisance of yourself. You can bully the bullies.”

His diagnosis 3 years ago has led him to a different kind of life – hopes to meet all (!) of us this weekend. (Prolonged applause).

Brian then came on to do the boring stuff.

1 comment:

Kimberley said...

Hey, what about Brian's filk at the end? I thought it was great and better than ending the opening ceremony with housekeeping.