Limericks

Lots of people asked about my limericks after they were mentioned in the closing ceremony so;

The Reduced Discworld

The Colour of Magic

A tourist in Ankh is at risk
With Rincewind as guide it's quite brisk
To travel the world
Until they are hurled
In a bronze fish-shaped ship off the disk

The Light Fantastic

Rincewind's got a spell in his head
So others now all want him dead
The spell knows what it's doing
And gets cast so A'Tuin's
baby turtles hatch from the star red

Equal Rites

Eskarina's a wizard, AND witch
So as trainee to Granny she's hitched
She runs off to UU
And staves off the hoodoo
By NOT doing magic (neat switch!)

Mort

Apprenticed to Death (with his scythe)
Is an odd way to work out your life
After a major disaster
He makes up with his master
And takes Ysabella to wife

Sourcery

Coin is a sourcerous lad
Though ruled by his death-cheating Dad
Wizards make a great din
Even Rincewind joins in
But we're saved when Coin's dad calls him bad

Wyrd Sisters

It's Shakespeare, with witches and kings
And a play with Death in the wings
Granny flies (despite fears)
The kingdom sleeps for years
And the Jester steps into the ring

Pyramids

Pteppic's called back to his home
Where the customs make him feel alone
But twisted up time
Puts his life on the line
'Til he kills a great tomb made of stone

Guards! Guards!

A dragon swoops down from above
The Guards, led by Vimes, get the shove
But Carrot arrests it
After young Errol bests it
Then they fly off together, in love!

FaustEric

With a Bang, our Rincewind is back
Taking Eric to see all he lacks
From Creation to End
Then Hell's steps descend
But they escape through a door in the back

Moving Pictures

Holywood magic's in town
Turning UU upside down
Victor's a new star
Gaspode will go far
And the Girl and Beast tumble down

Reaper Man

To Death Windle Poons cannot pass
'Cos Death is out mowing the grass
While the Auditors try
To make our Death die
The wizards go out and kick arse!

Witches Abroad

The witches are all in a tizz
They're off on some Creole-based biz
There's trouble about
It's the stories, no doubt
Then Lilly knows not who she is

Small Gods

Brutha thinks he's going to hell
His god has come back – with a shell
After a torturing session
Om learns a lesson
Belief must bind the Gods as well

Lords and Ladies

The Fair Folk are back with a plan
To capture a small bit of land
They antagonise Nanny
Infuriate Granny
And Magrat stands up for her man

Men At Arms

Edward De'ath was quite mad
And stole the Gonne, what a lad!
Then he went round the bend
But we find out in the end
The worst King would be Good, and not Bad

Soul Music

The music took over Imp Y
To channel its strange mystery
After seeing the coach burnt
Susan has now learnt
That some things must be left to be

Interesting Times

For Cohen and Rincewind it's rough
To take Agatea is tough
It all seems to go wrong
They're threatened by Hong
Then the Barking Dog coughs, that's enough

Maskerade

Poor Agnes must stand in the wings
While the Phantom applies deadly stings
To Opera folk at whim
Only Granny can stop him
And at last, the fat lady sings

Feet of Clay

The golems created a King
Vetinari near death's hovering.
What was the reason?
A lamp made of poison!
Vimes sheds the light on some things

Hogfather

The Fat Man is suddenly gone
Death and Albert their red robes must don
Teatime's the man
For the Auditors plan
But Susan makes sure life goes on

Jingo

Those Klatchian bounders, egad!
Run by their Sultan, the Cad
We set sail for Klatch
It ends in a match
When the island sinks no one is sad

The Last Continent

We're all off to Oz, Oh my Gawd!
The Faculty chaps are aboard
It's all rather tragic
But after Rain Magic
Rincewind finally gets his reward

Carpe Jugulum

The King has invited a bunch
Of Vampires for a christening lunch
The Magpyres are canny
But no match for Granny
They won't be back, I've a hunch

The Fifth Elephant

Werewolves want to rule by fang
The dwarves have elected their King
Vimes must solve mysteries
Of thefts and old histories
And a game of fetch ends with a bang

The Truth

Movable print has arrived
How will Ankh-Morpork ever survive
Against Vetinari, a plot
By the papers is shot
And a free press continues to thrive

Thief of Time

A clock made of glass isn't good
So off must go sweeper and Ludd
To rebuild the continuum
Susan flirts with Time's son
And you know that she would, if she could!

Night Watch

Poor Vimes was in a bad fight
Now he's dropped back 30 years out of sight
A quick substitution,
In the Glorious revolution
He still manages to do what is right

Monstrous Regiment

The girlies are all off to war
But just what are they fighting for?
Jackrum's a rascal
And makes a truce in the castle
But can they make sure that peace reigns once more?

Going Postal

The Ankh Morpork post is not great
(some letters are 40 years late)
A con man is knowing
How to get it all going
And the Clacks are now owned by the State

Thud!

A dwarf has been killed in the mud
A Troll teaches Vimes to play Thud
The Dark is all raged up
But Vimes keeps it caged up
A watchman right down to his blood

Making Money

Lipwig's got bored with his job
So with bankers he must now hob nob
But what's to be done
When the gold is all gone?
Golems will now do the job!

Chris Boote, Gopher, Watchman, dressed troll and no longer a Dyskhead (hooray!)